The Training of the Adult: Ages 13 to 18

The Law of Hebe

Hebe, Youth, is a daughter of Zeus. Hesiod names her among the children Hera bore to the King of Gods and men.¹

Hesiod, Theogony 921-923

λοισθοτάτην δ’ Ἥρην θαλερὴν ποιήσατ’ ἄκοιτιν·
ἣ δ’ Ἥβην καὶ Ἄρηα καὶ Εἰλείθυιαν ἔτικτε
μιχθεῖσ’ ἐν φιλότητι θεῶν βασιλῆι καὶ ἀνδρῶν.

"Last of all he made blooming Hera his wife; and she bore Hebe, Ares and Eileithyia, joined in love with the king of gods and men." (lit.)

From her name comes the name of the rite that closes this stage. The ἔφηβος is the one who has arrived at ἥβη, at youth: ἐπί, "upon", and ἥβη.² The Ephebeia of the Temple recognizes the young person at 18 as an adult before the Gods.

The myth of Hebe holds the meaning of this stage. Heracles, son of Zeus, after a life of labors, was raised to Olympus and given Hebe as his wife.³ The hero who has worked becomes divine and is wed to eternal youth: the Zevist image of the road from labor to the Godhead, ὁμοίωσις θεῷ. The same Heracles, Xenophon records in the fable of Prodicus, met 2 women at a crossroads "when he was passing from boyhood to youth, the age at which the young, now becoming their own masters, show whether they will take the road of virtue or the road of vice through life": Arete, who promised him toil, honor and the friendship of the Gods, and Kakia, who promised him every pleasure without effort.⁴ Tradition remembers that he chose Arete.

The law of this stage is: the training of the adult begins. The Delphic maxim for this age is a single rule: ἡβῶν ἐγκρατής, "as a youth, master of yourself".⁵ The intellect has been awakened and tested; freedom has begun. Now the young person trains to govern themselves completely: their body, their speech, their judgment, their craft, their desires and their relationship with the Gods. The aim is the one Peleus gave to Achilles through his teacher Phoenix.⁶

Homer, Iliad 9.443

μύθων τε ῥητῆρ’ ἔμεναι πρηκτῆρά τε ἔργων.

"To be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds." (lit.)

And the charge Peleus gave his son when he sent him to Troy, which Hippolochus also gave to Glaucus: αἰὲν ἀριστεύειν καὶ ὑπείροχον ἔμμεναι ἄλλων, "always to be the best and to stand above others".⁷

The Ephebeia names the end of this training in its declaration: "You stand before the Gods on your own feet, and whatever path you choose from this day forward is yours to walk." The 5 years before it are the training for that freedom.

What the Ancients Taught

The Athenian Ephebeia

In Athens the young man was enrolled among the citizens of his deme at 18, after a sworn scrutiny of his age and his free birth; he then served 2 years as an ephebe, beginning with a circuit of the temples, trained in arms under guardians chosen for him, and garrisoned the frontier forts before taking his place among the citizens.⁸ The ephebes swore an oath before the Gods.⁹

The Oath of the Ephebes, from the stele of Acharnae, as printed in editions of Lycurgus, Against Leocrates 77

οὐκ αἰσχυνῶ τὰ ἱερὰ ὅπλα, οὐδὲ λείψω τὸν παραστάτην ὅπου ἂν στοιχήσω.

"I will not disgrace the sacred arms, nor will I desert the comrade at my side, wherever I stand in the line." (lit.)

The oath went on to promise that the young man would hand on his fatherland not lessened but greater and better, would obey the laws, and would honor the ancestral sacred rites. Its witnesses were Gods: Aglauros, Hestia, Enyo, Enyalios, Ares and Athena Areia, Zeus, Thallo, Auxo, Hegemone and Heracles, and the boundaries of the fatherland with its wheat, barley, vines, olives and figs.⁹ The Temple's Ephebeia stands before Zeus, Athena and Ares, as the Athenian ephebes stood.

Rome: The Toga of Freedom

In Rome, in the middle teens, the boy put off the purple-bordered toga of childhood and the bulla, the amulet worn since infancy, and took the plain white toga of manhood, often on the feast of the Liberalia, 17 March. Ovid asks why the toga of manhood is given on the day of Liber, and answers among other reasons:¹⁰

Ovid, Fasti 3.777-778

sive quod es Liber, vestis quoque libera per te
sumitur et vitae liberioris iter.

"Or because you are Liber, the garment of freedom is taken up through you, and the road of a freer life." (lit.)

Plutarch wrote his essay On Listening to Lectures for a young friend, Nicander, who had just put on the toga of manhood and had passed from the authority of his tutor: freedom from the tutor, Plutarch warns him, is the beginning of obedience to reason, not the end of all rule.¹¹

The Convocation of the Upanishad

In India, the teacher dismissed the student who had completed his study of the Veda with words that the Temple can make its own, because they begin with Satya.¹²

Taittirīya Upaniṣad 1.11.1-2

satyaṃ vada | dharmaṃ cara | svādhyāyān mā pramadaḥ |
mātṛdevo bhava | pitṛdevo bhava | ācāryadevo bhava | atithidevo bhava |

"Say what is true! Do thy duty! Do not neglect the study of the Veda! … Let thy mother be to thee like unto a god! Let thy father be to thee like unto a god! Let thy teacher be to thee like unto a god! Let thy guest be to thee like unto a god!" (tr. F. Max Müller)

The Order of Training

Aristotle sets the order for the years after puberty: first 3 years of other studies, and only then hard bodily training and strict diet.¹³

Aristotle, Politics VIII.4, 1339a4-7

ὅταν δ’ ἀφ’ ἥβης ἔτη τρία πρὸς τοῖς ἄλλοις μαθήμασι γένωνται, τότε ἁρμόττει καὶ τοῖς πόνοις καὶ ταῖς ἀναγκοφαγίαις καταλαμβάνειν τὴν ἐχομένην ἡλικίαν.

"When, after puberty, they have spent three years on the other studies, then it is fitting to occupy the following age with hard labors and strict diet." (lit.)

He divides the whole of education into 2 periods, from 7 to puberty and from puberty to 21.¹⁴ The second is the season of this stage.

Daughters as Sons

Musonius Rufus, the Roman Stoic, asked whether daughters should receive the same education as sons, and answered yes: women too must acquire goodness of character and nobility of conduct, "since philosophy is the practice of nobility and nothing else".¹⁵ The Temple's Ephebeia, restoring the Athenian rite "for all young people, regardless of sex", stands in the same line.

Musonius Rufus, Discourse IV

ἀλλ’ ὅτι ἤθους χρηστότητα καὶ καλοκἀγαθίαν τρόπου κτητέον ταῖς γυναιξίν· ἐπειδὴ καὶ φιλοσοφία καλοκἀγαθίας ἐστὶν ἐπιτήδευσις καὶ οὐδὲν ἕτερον.

"But that women must acquire goodness of character and nobility of conduct, since philosophy is the practice of nobility and nothing else." (lit.)

The Mentor and the Inheritance

When young Telemachus set out to become a man, Athena came to him "in the likeness of Mentor, in form and voice", and guided him.¹⁶ The very word mentor comes from her disguise: the Goddess of wisdom in the shape of a trusted elder. Marcus Aurelius opened his Meditations with a list of what he had received from each person who formed him.¹⁷

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 1.3

Παρὰ τῆς μητρὸς τὸ θεοσεβὲς καὶ μεταδοτικὸν καὶ ἀφεκτικὸν οὐ μόνον τοῦ κακοποιεῖν, ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῦ ἐπὶ ἐννοίας γίνεσθαι τοιαύτης· ἔτι δὲ τὸ λιτὸν κατὰ τὴν δίαιταν καὶ πόρρω τῆς πλουσιακῆς διαγωγῆς.

"From my Mother, the fear of God, and generosity; and abstention not only from doing ill but even from the very thought of doing it; and furthermore to live the simple life, far removed from the habits of the rich." (tr. C. R. Haines)

At 18 every young person could write such a list. The parent's task in these years is to make sure it is worth writing.

What the Science Shows

A Brain Under Construction

Imaging studies following children into early adulthood show that the brain's sensory and motor regions mature first and the higher association regions, including the prefrontal cortex that governs planning and self-control, mature last.¹⁸ B. J. Casey and colleagues describe an imbalance in adolescence: the systems that respond to reward and emotion grow strong earlier than the systems of control.¹⁹ Laurence Steinberg and Margo Gardner showed that the mere presence of peers raised risk-taking in adolescents and young adults far more than in adults.²⁰ Steinberg calls adolescence an "age of opportunity": a second period of heightened plasticity, in which the brain is shaped strongly by what it does, for good or ill.²¹ The training of this stage builds the very circuits of self-government.

Identity and Fidelity

Erikson placed identity against role confusion in adolescence: the young person asks who they are, what they believe and what they will give their life to. The virtue of the stage is fidelity, the capacity to stay true to what one has chosen.²² The Ephebeia's oath is fidelity made visible.

Autonomy With Connection

Teenagers do best with parents who stay warm and keep standards while granting growing autonomy; harsh control and psychological control (guilt, shaming, withdrawal of love) show the strongest links to worse outcomes.²³ Self-determination theory explains why: autonomy, competence and relatedness are needs, and the adolescent's need for autonomy grows fastest of all.²⁴

Sleep, Body and Screens

• Sleep. 8 to 10 hours a night from 13 to 18.²⁵ Puberty shifts the body clock later, so teenagers naturally fall asleep and wake later; the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that middle and high schools start no earlier than 8:30 in the morning.^{26, 27}
• Movement. An average of at least 60 minutes a day of moderate to vigorous activity, with muscle and bone strengthening on at least 3 days a week.²⁸
• Social media. Adolescents who spend more than 3 hours a day on social media face double the risk of depression and anxiety symptoms, according to the U.S. Surgeon General.²⁹

The Practice

The Adult in Training

• Give real responsibility. Cooking for the family, managing a budget, caring for younger siblings or elders, keeping commitments without reminders. Responsibility is the gymnasium of the adult soul.
• Give a voice in the family's decisions. The young person who is heard learns to speak with weight.
• Let consequences teach. Within the limits of safety, the parent steps back and lets the result of a choice arrive. Counsel stays near.
• Teach work and money. Paid work, an apprenticeship or service; a bank account; saving, budgeting, giving. Earning teaches the value of things.
• Build one craft to mastery. An instrument, a sport, a trade, a science, an art, pursued with daily discipline until it is truly theirs. Mastery teaches what Arete is.

The Body

• Train the body seriously as it matures. Aristotle kept the hardest training until about 3 years after puberty, once other studies had their turn; modern guidance adds muscle and bone strengthening at least 3 days a week through the teens, built step by step. Strength, endurance and a fighting art: Ares gives iron to the spine through effort.
• Guard sleep. Devices out of the bedroom at night; a regular hour. The adolescent brain is built in sleep.
• Keep the Life Ethics of the body. Dietary Ethics and Drugs Ethics, taught plainly and kept in the home.

Speech and Judgment

• Train the speaker of words. Debate, public speaking, writing essays and letters, reading aloud. As an exercise in understanding, the young person defends a position and then its opposite, so as to know an argument from both sides before judging it (Noble Speech).
• Read philosophy. Plato's Apology and Crito, Xenophon's Memorabilia, Epictetus' Handbook, Marcus Aurelius, Plutarch's Lives; and the Temple's own teaching (Paideia, Satya, Ma'at and Arete).
• Train judgment on real questions. News, advertising, rumor and propaganda examined at the table: who says this, how do they know, who gains (Resistance to Falsehood).
• Deepen the Greek language. Read short passages of Homer, Plato and the hymns in the original with a translation beside them.

Love, Desire and Marriage

• Teach the Life Ethics openly. Sexual Ethics, Marriage Ethics and Procreation Ethics, taught by the parent before the world teaches them badly: the body's dignity, consent, the law of the land, the meaning of union and of founding a family.
• Keep the door open. The young person who can bring any question home is protected by that door more than by any rule.

Mentors

• Find the Mentor. Teachers, coaches, masters of a craft, the clergy of the Temple: elders who have walked further and can show the way, as Athena guided Telemachus in Mentor's shape.
• Change the parent's role. From manager to counselor: fewer commands, more questions, more trust, the same love.

Before the Gods: Preparing the Ephebeia

The Temple's Ephebeia oath contains 5 vows. Each is a field of training for these years.

• Keep a personal practice. Daily prayer, the Temple's hymns, the evening review, study of the doctrines (Theoteknia, Ma'at).
• Prepare the revelation of the Ren. If an Amphidromia was performed, the parents prepare to reveal the secret name privately before the Ephebeia, to explain the rite and its meaning, and to give the sealed paper.
• Leave the choice free. At 18 the young adult decides whether to accept the Ren, to choose another Spiritual Name, to defer the choice, or to walk another path. The Initiation may follow the Ephebeia at once, or later, or never; it is offered, never imposed. Zeus does not force Himself on anyone.
• Celebrate. The Ephebeia is followed by a feast of the family and the community in honor of the new adult.

Signs the Stage Is Going Well

• The young person keeps commitments without being reminded. Self-government has taken root.
• The young person can argue a case and change their mind when shown wrong. Speech serves truth.
• The young person has a craft, a discipline of the body and a circle of worthy friends.
• The young person brings hard questions home. The bond has survived the growing freedom.
• The young person speaks of the vows of the Ephebeia as their own.

Errors to Avoid

• Treating the adolescent as a child. Control without trust breeds rebellion or helplessness.
• Treating the adolescent as already an adult. Freedom without counsel is abandonment.
• Shaming and psychological control. Guilt, mockery and the withdrawal of love wound the very self that is forming.
• Letting the phone raise the teenager. Peers and algorithms fill the place the parent leaves empty.
• Forcing the Initiation. The rite of free will cannot be compelled; a forced oath binds nothing.

Books for This Stage

For the Parents

• Laurence Steinberg, Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2014). The adolescent brain as a second window of plasticity, and what parents can do with it.
• Frances E. Jensen with Amy Ellis Nutt, The Teenage Brain (Harper, 2015). A neuroscientist's guide to raising adolescents and young adults.
• Daniel J. Siegel, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain (Tarcher/Penguin, 2013). The positive forces of adolescence: novelty, intensity, connection and creativity.
• Lisa Damour, Untangled (Ballantine, 2016) and The Emotional Lives of Teenagers (Ballantine, 2023). Clear guidance on the transitions of adolescence and on teenage emotions.
• Julie Lythcott-Haims, How to Raise an Adult (Henry Holt, 2015). The skills a young adult needs and how to let them grow.
• Madeline Levine, The Price of Privilege (HarperCollins, 2006). How pressure and material comfort can leave teenagers disconnected.
• Angela Duckworth, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance (Scribner, 2016). Sustained effort toward long-term goals.

For the Young Person

• Homer, Iliad and Odyssey, in the translations of Richmond Lattimore, Robert Fagles or Emily Wilson.
• Hesiod, Theogony and Works and Days, tr. M. L. West (Oxford World's Classics, 1988).
• Plato, Apology, Crito and Phaedo, tr. G. M. A. Grube, in Five Dialogues (Hackett).
• Xenophon, Memorabilia, above all the Choice of Heracles (2.1.21-34).
• Epictetus, Handbook, tr. Robin Hard (Oxford World's Classics, 2014) or Robert Dobbin (Penguin, 2008).
• Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, tr. Gregory Hays (Modern Library, 2002) or Robin Hard (Oxford World's Classics, 2011).
• Plutarch, Lives, a selection, and the essays On Listening to Lectures and How the Young Man Should Study Poetry.
• Edith Hamilton, Mythology (Little, Brown, 1942).

From the Ancients

• Aristotle, Athenian Constitution 42. The Athenian ephebeia.
• Aristotle, Politics VIII. The education of the young citizen.
• Plutarch, On Listening to Lectures. Written for a young man who had just received the toga of manhood.
• The Oath of the Ephebes, in Lycurgus, Against Leocrates 77.